My house at Blogworld Road

It's official! I am now a resident of Blogworld Road. I count myself very lucky to live in a place where all the neighbors are fabulous and there are no invitations necessary. It's the only place where houses don't have to conform and you are limited only by your imagination.

Up there is my house. It's really the house where I live but since I love it so much, I decided to have it replicated at Blogworld Road. It is my dad's work of art, the place where my children are growing up and where I prepared myself to marry the man I love. (Yes, that's me in the wedding gown with my brother and sister)

I've made a few modifications in the Blogworld Road version. There are lots of guestrooms where people can stay, a playroom filled with toys so Caroline's children can play (and the others too, of course). It has an immense library with a lot of comfy chairs overlooking the garden where one can spend hours buried in a book or just daydream. A dining room with lots of room for people to eat, and meet and talk (and even dance!).

Oh, and a huge playground at the backyard -- so the children can run around (and where all the playground mums are nice).

Lastly, it's a place where you always feel comfortable to be yourself. Come on over. I'm having a party.

On the way to the farm

I had every intention of having a good time at my son's field trip , I really did!

Went on leave from work to go with my son to this field trip. There's always a trip every month and I've been sort of relegating this to my mom since I started my new job. Instead of meeting up with the others in school, I'd planned on going straight to the farm. Joshua and I left at around 8am which was right on schedule and I was just congratulating myself at getting out of the house on time when I checked my phone and found an SMS from the teacher. Could one of his classmates and his nanny hitch a ride with us. Sure, I said, I just had to make a gas stop and buy bottled water and juice at the convenience store. No problem, she says, hardly anyone's there yet, they're running late.

Loooong line at the gas station then major quick trip in and out of the store for the water and juice and we were on our way again. Teacher calls again to say they were all loading and were on their way. Luigi and nanny went with someone else. Ok, cool. It was just Josh and me, happily chatting on the highway when he had to go to the restroom. I had visions of all the parents and their kids impatiently waiting for the farm tour to start, fuming at the dumb mom who was late. Hating myself for even thinking about it, I stopped at the next gas station.

Five minutes later, we were stuck in traffic. After twenty minutes, we finally reached the farm. Hokay, no big deal, other parents are still arriving. I realized I was stressing myself out for no reason at all and decided to relax, chat with the other moms (who were really nice!) and take pictures. Mr. Horsie was the first one we met. He kept immersing his head in the tub of water and splashing everyone. The kids were enchanted.

Then came the cart ride at the back of the cow. You can see they were all smiles, heck, I wanted to ride in the cart. It looked fun. There was a curious cow who kept poking it's nose at us, begging for her picture to be taken. It was at this point (10 minutes before 10am) that I checked my phone. Big mistake. I had two missed calls and one SMS telling me to call the big boss (the boss of my boss). I called and he needed a file which, because of my sheer rotten luck, only I had access to. He needed it for a meeting with the owner at 10 am. I wanted to wade into the duck pond and kill myself. Except there were ducks in it. And some geese. "You don't have your laptop with you, right?" Uh, no. Then silence on the other end. The kids were leaving the horse paddock and walking toward a small building. I was sweating already both from the heat and the tension. Then I remembered my brother was still home. So I told my boss I'd have the file sent to him right away.

I never saw the inside of the building. I think there were rabbits...or chickens. I was on two phones, one calling my mom and the other one with my brother. I saw a turkey and a goose waddle over to the path I was standing on and I got the hell out of there before I started shrieking and giving the farm hands some entertainment. I owe my brother one for sending the file (and going thru all my excel spreadsheets, trying to find the right one to send) but I also missed a large part of the tour. Joshua was too excited about everything he was seeing but I somehow felt I let him down. *sniff*

The rest of the tour went ok. The kids went fishing, Joshua didn't catch anything (I was still on the phone with my brother). I was able to sneak in this picture but this is pretty much it (Joshua's the one standing in the blue cap). We had a picnic in the tree house where we had spaghetti, hotdogs, chocolate chip cookies, brownies and pound cake. Josh drank too much grape juice and threw up in a corner of the tree house. There was egg hunting and some photo ops on the back of a farm truck and a rope web thingie the kids all all wanted to climb.

Joshua wrote his name and got a goose feather which I gleefully told him to give to my younger sister as a surprise. She freaks out at feathers even when they're not attached to an animal. Joshua once chased her around the house with a feather duster. I wonder if she'll be home tonight. Tee-hee!

My NEVER List

First off, I'm so glad to be back home. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night when I was away. Was so happy that I've got this meme to do (thanks a lot Caroline! You just made my evening!). :D

Top Ten Things I will NEVER do.

I will NEVER

1. ...touch an animal (alive or dead) that has feathers. I'd rather be shot. (I am so deathly scared of feathers!)

2. ...eat liver and ampalaya (bittermelon) willingly. You will have to shove it down my throat, or kill me. (my mom used to force us to eat this. if we were having it with fish, my sister and i would stuff the vegetable inside the fish's mouth)

3. ...put my kids down or compare them unfavorably with others. (it's just not fair)

4. ...stop loving my husband. or get a divorce. (this one's for keeps)

5. ...stop reading. (i might as well stop breathing)

6. ...wear pantyhose or stockings with open toed sandals. (just a personal fashion preference)

7. ...like getting shots.

8. ...paint my nails red. (it's just not me)

9. ...shave off my hair. (i am much too vain for this)

10. ... say never to chocolate.

Ramblings

What a stressful day. The work I had to do took longer than I expected and I ended up still doing it while the kids were taking their nap. Am going out of town for the next two days and I still have to pack, buy stuff I need for the trip, get the kids ready for mass, wrap a gift, and my nails are a mess.

So here I am with gunk on my face and instead of fixing last minute things, I am writing. And visiting my bloggerfriends. Can you tell I am giving myself a time out? The kids are all around me, alternately yelling at each other, watching a Disney movie, making a mess, and trying to punch letters on my laptop. What can I say? They're very energetic. Weird, but it's like I'm in a bubble. I notice them at the edge of my consciousness, but I am still calmly writing.

Forgive me if I'm rambling. I just need to do this now. I am worried about tomorrow. I know I will miss the kids and the hubby. I hate sleeping in strange places. I hate missing the kids' big school evaluation tomorrow.

And now I remember the face gunk is only supposed to stay on for 1 minute. Darn it! Ok, deep breath. What's another minute when it's been on for the last 10, right?

(*Smile* I just asked my daughter Faith to kiss me and she didn't even hesitate despite the white gunk on my face. I just love her!)

Now she's putting (and removing) stickers on my shoulder and climbing up my back. That's my cue. I gotta go wash my face before it peels off.

10 minutes later...

Whew, I still have a face I can show in public. Note to self: follow directions on labels of cosmetic products.

And I am still rambling...

Kids are wrestling and trying to bury each other with pillows while screaming at the top of their lungs (I can tell they're getting on their dad's nerves :D). Think I'll go and join them and bury myself under the pillows. Or maybe scream a little. Yep, things are looking up.

Whoopee!

Oh wow. One whole Saturday free. Kids are with my parents out of town (again) and won't be back till tomorrow. I've got a bit of work to do but nothing that I won't finish in a couple of hours. A movie date with my husband and some time to leisurely go around the mall to scope out more possible Christmas gifts (I'm almost doooone!) and a nice dinner out. What more could I ask for?

I'm supposed to be working but I'm going crazy in bloggerworld, visiting my favorite bloggers and some new ones. I rarely get the chance to visit other blogs and read so this has been a real treat for me. So to the ones I've visited -- i'm saying hi again.

I've also gotten word from my fellow bookworm friend whom I haven't personally met yet (but I love her already!) that the 11 books she's found for me were finally delivered and I will be getting them on Friday! Heaven. I don't think I can wait that long. It's like Christmas already!

I'ts been a really lazy morning. Gotta get to work and finish. Only...I miss the kids. (I'm pathetic, I know)

Conversations with Poop (Revisited)

This was one of my earliest posts. I read it again while I was going through my archives and thought I'd post it.


The absurdity of what happens in the course of being a mom sometimes astounds me. Like last night's conversation with my three year old son, Joshua. He was on the potty with me holding him up and keeping him company.

Me: So, are you going to make poopoo now?

Josh: It's coming, mommy, it's coming.

Me: (after 2 minutes) is it coming out already?

Josh: talk to my poopoo mommy so it'll come out.

Me: (to the poop) Hey poopoo, come out now before I give you time out!

Josh: (as the poop) Yes, mommy. Do not give me time out.

Me: So, is it coming?

Josh: It's eating chocolate. (he ate 1 piece of chocolate after dinner)

Me: Oh, ok. (after 2 minutes) is it coming out na? (I was getting a little tired of hanging out in the bathroom by now)

Josh: yes, it's brushing it's teeth.

Believe me, this was an actual conversation. And quite a lengthy one, mind you. I didn't include the references to hatching and other whatnot. And let's not even talk about the time I actually SANG to the poop. (to the tune of twinkle, twinkle little star)

That is what I go home to every single day. Different levels of absurdity but who cares? It's one of the perks of being a parent. Free comedy entertainment to chase the stress away. Now, if I'm feeling generous and only if you've been a good boy/girl, I just might invite you one of these days to come over and have a conversation with the naughty B_og_r.

Boxing anyone?

Violent sports have never been my interest at all. As opposed to Jun who adores watching boxing and the for real type of wrestling which never fails to amuse me every time I catch a glimpse of it on TV. He loses his concentration once I start making brokeback mountain like jokes ( hello! almost naked men all tangled up on the screen -- how can you pass up something like that??!!!!). My only request is for him not to watch those things where the children can see them. I don't think I can survive it if Joshua starts to seriously wrestle -- he's too rambunctious already as it is.

But yesterday, that's another story. I don't think I ever enjoyed a boxing match as much as Manny Pacquiao's fight against Morales. It was inspired...much better than the Rocky movies (do you know there's gonna be a fifth installment??!! Duh!). I never thought I'd say this but the fight yesterday left me disappointed that it ended at Round 3. I was just really getting into it (actually screaming my head off) when it was over.

I also never realized how good looking Morales is -- in an earthy, boxer type of way. (ha ha!) Can't wait for the next boxing match. I think I've been converted.

Here it is!

Ok Ces, you dared me. So here it is. Told you I could do it. Freakish huh?

Friday 13

There are pictures and there are pictures. For this installment of Friday 13, I chose photos that are close to our hearts. Not because they're perfect. These aren't even the kinds of pictures you keep in an album to show your guests. But I love them anyway -- they are snapshots of our occasional (or everyday?) insanity.

1. Joshua was a little over a month old here and when Jun took this, we couldn't stop laughing at how scary he looked. We were trying to get a photo of him to send to our friends through email. Needless to say, we decided to wait a couple more weeks before taking another photo.

2. I loved the look on Joshua's face here. I think my sister (whom he adores) came out of the house just when the photo was snapped. (I also think he kinda looks like a girl here)

3. Jun took this photo while Josh was in the middle of doing number 2.

4. Likewise, this is Faith, also doing the number 2. (and looking like a boy)

5. Taken during my birthday last year and Joshua made a face.

6. So of course, it was my turn.

7. We couldn't get a decent smile out of Joshua that night. This was one of the mildest faces he made.

8. Um, I just thought it would be fun to make faces in front of the mirror while I was distracting Joshua from flicking toothpaste in the mirror. I had to help Josh a little bit with this one.

9. I really don't remember this one. It's part of a series. I could tell Jun was having fun here.

10. Fooling around in the hospital while Faith was confined with Kawasaki disease. It was like a mini party every night when my parents visited with my siblings and Joshua. We never had to settle for just hospital food.

11. Taken only last weekend. Faith was fooling around as usual. I did not, repeat, DID NOT, teach her to do this. She's perfectly capable (and frighteningly proficient) at coming up with her own faces. Jun is constantly amazed.

12. This is how we are at night before bed. The kids just don't leave me alone. That's me (taking my turn at scrabble) with Joshua squishing me while watching cartoons. Faith's actually lying on top of me. Jun just had to take a picture.

13. Finally, I realized almost all of the pictures are of me and the kids so I thought of including one of Jun. This is NOT because he is the only normal one in the family.

Living in constant fear

Last Saturday, as I was preparing Joshua's stuff for an overnight trip with my parents and sisters, it hit me again. That paralyzing fear I feel every time one or both of my children go places without either me or their dad. It's completely irrational and ridiculous, I know but I can't help it. It's the constant fear of losing them. I torture myself with thousands of scenarios running through my mind. And all the while, I stroke and kiss and hug Joshua, constantly telling him I love him and I'll miss him, even if he'll only be gone for a day. Maybe he senses my anxiety, for he looks at me strangely, then takes my face between his hands and tells me he's going to be allright. And I'm still thinking, what if I never see him again? How can I bear it?

Then I do what I always do everytime this happens. I ask Jun, "He's going to be ok, right?". And his response is always the same. "Yes, he will." I keep quiet then and bring Joshua to the car where everyone was waiting. I kiss and hug him goodbye and then I pray. I once asked Jun in a fit of depression and anger after Joshua's birth because Josh wasn't well and couldn't go home for a month, "Why are you ok? How come you're not as sad as me?" His answer was so simple yet it struck me speechless, and, I admit, with a little bit of shame. He said, "Because you have to believe that your prayers will be answered." And so in times like these, I ask him for reassurance but all the same, I don't think I completely breathe until I see Joshua again the next day. My Dad said the first thing Joshua says when he wakes up the next morning was, ''Grandpa, can we go home now? I miss my mommy."

It's a terrible way to live, I know but I have a feeling it will always be this way for me no matter how grown up they become. I mentioned in a previous post that having children means having your heart walking around out of your body. And while it means living with constant fear and worry, it also means experiencing the greatest joy. And I wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world.

This Guy's in love with you

I'm obsessed with this song. It's by Burt Bacharach and it's an old song I recently discovered in one of those Starbucks compilations revived by a group called Fastball. I've been playing it over and over for two weeks now. It made my heart catch when I heard the lyrics and of course I immediately thought of the love of my life (um, yes Jun, that would be you). It goes like this:

You see this guy
This guy's in love with you
Yes, I'm in love
Who looks at you the way I do
When you smile
I can tell
We know each other very well
How can I show you?
I'm glad I got to know you cause

I heard some talk
They say you think I'm fine
Yes I'm in love
And what I'd do to make you mine
Tell me now, is it so?
Don't let me be the last to know
My hands are shaking
Don't let my heart keep breaking cause

I need your love
I want your love
Say you're in love
In love, with this guy

If not I'll just die

Jun is currently learning it on the guitar so he can sing it to me. Ain't that sweet?

5 things -- People Collection List

My friend Maria tagged me for this meme. Took me some time to think about what to write (that I haven't shared before) but I thoroughly enjoyed the process.

1. I am a fix-it person. I enjoy assembling toys and furniture. The more nuts and bolts there are, the more I like them. I've assembled cribs, toys (love those Ikea ones that have lots of parts!), and once Jun and I raced to assemble two bedside tables for our apartment. He finished first but the back part was inverted, HA!

2. I am an introvert. People call me a liar to my face when I say this but it is true. While I can be animated and talkative around people, it usually drains my energy. When I was younger, I used to bring a book during family parties and would be perfectly happy just sitting in a corner. I thought it was shyness at first but the word didn't exactly fit. It was only during a work session facilitated by my friend Lara that I finally realized what it was.

3. I love to read. I would go crazy without anything to read. I learned how really read when I got curious about the Tagalog comic books that our maids used to read and leave around the house. There was no stopping me after that. I own over 2,000 books -- don't know the exact number since I stopped making catalogs after reaching 1,000. That's Josh in the picture, by the way.

4. I can bend all my fingers backwards and make them touch the back of my hand. This totally freaks (and grosses!) people out. For obvious reasons, I have refrained from posting a picture of this. Just take my word for it.

5. I like writing by hand. Anything that involves or needs writing -- making lists, filling out forms, signing documents -- I'm your man. Completely baffles my husband. He bought me a palm pilot which I seldom used except to play games with.

Who's counting?

My husband and I recently celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. Hard to believe it's been six years. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday when Jun lost his wedding ring during our honeymoon. But more often than not, it feels like we've been together forever that it's hard to imagine my life before I met him. Hmmm...now that I think about it, my life before Jun consisted of reading in bed during weekends and Friday nights, cursing the fact that I did not have a boyfriend. Yeah, call it pathetic if you must but I dare any single girl (or guy) out there to deny that the single life is mostly spent on the pursuit of (or the search for) THE ONE. I'll be honest and admit I wasn't one of those independent single girls who are totally ok about being single.

I've had my share of dates from hell, lousy pick-up lines and met enough date 'em and leave 'em types to last me a lifetime. It was at the end of a dating frenzy that I finally decided to put a stop to the madness. I was tired of the never ending cycle of dating a guy, the getting to know you better phone calls, and the effort to be interested in what they were saying. And it was in the middle of the self imposed exile from the dating scene that I found him...or did he find me?? (Actually, our friends set us up -- such good friends I have! -- thank you! mwah!).

If I had a glimpse of how much fun married life was going to be, I would have gotten married when I was 16 (and given my parents a heart attack!). Seriously, I had my own pre-conceived notions of what being married was like (all in the romance department, of course!) but what never figured into my girlish fantasies was the fun. And if someone were to ask me to describe what my life is like with Jun, I would have to say that we laugh a lot -- at ourselves, at each other, at the kids. We'd laugh till tears ran down our faces and then start all over again.

Sigh! I just have the best time when I'm with him.