Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Tummy Tingling

I was in the middle of a meeting today, trying to listen attentively to the person speaking when I felt it again. A funny feeling at the pit of my stomach. And no, it wasn't hunger pangs nor was it a compulsion to visit the rest room. It was a little tickling sensation that started at the base of my tummy, weaving it's way upwards and ending somewhere in the middle of my chest. You can tell I'm having a hard time describing it huh? The best I can do is the word tingle. Yup, that's what i'd call it. Except it didn't happen at my spine (yeah, i know how lame that is, indulge me).

The first time I felt it was just before meeting my husband at the lobby of the BPI building on what would be our first date -- a blind date set up by a mutual friend. I remember feeling a myriad of emotions just before going down to the lobby -- everything from nervousness to abject fear. I almost backed out, I had had a series of constant dates at the time which never worked out and I was thinking maybe this wasn't going to be worth it. My friend didn't tell me who it was going to be but I had an inkling it was Jun. And a part of me wanted to find out if I was right while the rest of me was thinking how embarassed I was going to feel if it was him (we were already acquaintances).

And the whole time, I was feeling the tingle. So I finally made my way to the elevator, resolute to make the best of it and determined to be a pleasant date at the very least. To cut a long story short, it did turn out to be him and the rest is history.

But I digress. Fast forward to today. There I was, sipping coffee, alternately fiddling with my earring, paying attention to the speaker and wondering if I was going to have chicken for lunch for the nth time since I arrived (I was right) when I felt it again. That tingle in my tummy, and I smiled. Because now I recognized it for what it was. It's a harbringer of my homecoming. Only three days left before I leave for home. Just three measly days and it'll be back to the routine and the chaos, the hugs and kisses and stories and the mommy-sing-the-rubber-ducky-song requests. Back to the tediousness of driving to Cavite, catch up sessions (gossip) with my family , Sunday mass and dinner, and, best of all, back to Jun. I can't wait.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Too much of a good thing

I never thought the saying "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it" would apply to me. I mean, it never comes true when I wish for unlimited shopping sprees or when I wish I could be on Oprah's Favorite Things episode or when I wish the earth would open up and swallow whichever person has earned my wrath for the day.

So recently (since I became a mom that is), what I've been wishing for are time-outs. For myself that is. Ever since I started giving time outs to Joshua for bad behavior or for just being plain uncontrollably hyperactive, I wished I could give my own self a time out more frequently. Regrettably, someone listened and decided the time has come to grant my frequent wish by gifting me with the mother of all time outs.

Yes sir, I am on time out now -- for the next two weeks. And I am perfectly miserable. I'm in Malaysia right now and will be here till the end of August. Two whole weeks of not seeing my family -- no kissing Faith's stubby toes, no kissing Joshua's smelly feet and no kissing Jun's .... ehem, I mean no hugging Jun pala. (almost got carried away there)

But let's weigh the positives of being on time-out: no waking up at the crack of dawn to give Faith her bottle; no driving to Cavite; having all the time in the world (after work that is) to take a leisurely bath/read books/watch dvds i brought with me/watch hbo; eating my food while it's still warm; browsing thru shops without worrying about the time; sleeping without the feeling of Joshua's feet burrowing under my back or side; or, sleeping without getting hit or kicked by Joshua in the midst of his frequent dreams. Hmmm... quite a lot of positives when you think about it.

Ok, moving on the negatives, or, to put it more creatively, if I'm supposed to having a good time, why am I so miserable?? For one thing, I miss the warm weight of Faith's head snuggling into the crook of my neck; I miss Joshua crawling into my lap asking for his stories; I miss Joshua's delighted laughter when his grandpa tells him the story of the T-rex in the noodlehouse; I miss the way Faith says "hewwo??" every time she hears a phone ring; and I miss not being with Jun.

The long and short of it is, I think too much of a good thing is bad for you. While I crave for time alone in the midst of the daily chaos (or smoothness - depending on how much coffee I've had) of my life, short doses does it for me. To put it colloquially, simple lang naman ang gusto ko (I want to go home!!!! Sob!). The wishes I expressed in the beginning of this blog are out of this world -- little to no chance of that happening anytime in the future.

But come to think of it, why should I complain? I might not have gotten what I used to wish for (except for this stupid time-out), but I did get what I prayed for. A loving husband who makes me laugh and who thinks I'm beautiful (really, am not kidding, you can ask him), two wonderful (and beautiful! sorry, just had to put that in) children, a relatively comfortable life, a good job, a supportive family, even a movie date every now and then. And there lies all the difference.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

From One Moment to the Next

I used to think that time went by so slowly. And I don't mean the 'i can't believe it's only 2pm' kind of slow. It was more of not really noticing the years passing by, and just counting my favorite parts of the year (Christmas and New Year). When I first got married, the feeling was still the same. You know, being very casual about weekends (movie or stay in, or clean?) and no real need to rush home from work since Jun will be in at 7:30pm.

Now I realize the almost 360 degree change in my perception when I had kids. What used to be long lazy weekends became a blur of activity -- doctor's appointments, feeding, bathtime, giving vitamins, naptime, playtime, and the numerous diaper changes you have to do. What seems to be normal daily activities becomes challenging and very tiring when you're dealing with toddlers. It used to take me just a half an hour to get ready to go out of the house, now it takes us two hours with the last 10 minutes free for me to shower, dress and get my stuff ready. No wonder my hair got damaged thru tying it up sopping wet from the shower. I didn't have time to dry it -- it was either my hair or makeup (siempre my face won). Those were the early days when Josh was 2 and Faith was a tiny baby and I've since learned my lesson (no more wet ponytails - getting my hair relaxed is expensive!)

But more than the everyday details is the realization that the kids are growing so fast. I still get shocked at the way Joshua sometimes reasons with people like an adult. And how he has very definite opinions about what he likes and thinks. He is every inch a pre-schooler now, with just traces of my baby boy remaining -- he still likes to be cuddled and kissed and is still very affectionate.

My Faith is also little by little leaving her babyhood behind. She is now a whirlwind of activity - and her weird sense of humor is showing. She loves sticking her fingers up people's noses and laughing out loud when you jerk your head up in surprise. And she will do that as often as you let her, laughing her head off the whole time. And it really surprises me when she does things deliberately just to make people laugh -- like the way she'll suck the fruit juice from her fingers, smack her lips out loud and say "Ahhh!" like a little piglet.
Jun and I always talk about how we can't wait until Josh or Faith can talk and we wonder what kind of things they'll say. Now that Josh doesn't stop talking our heads off, I can't help feeling that I wish time would go a little slower so I could savor their babyhood much longer. Wishful thinking, I know. For now, I guess I'll just have to live in the moment, basking in the kids' lives and thanking my lucky stars.