Ahhh...Friday. A day when all the pep talk and guilty thoughts about trying to be productive at work just fails miserably. It's times like these when my evil former carpoolmates and I would exchange bitchy nonsense over email and clog everybody's inbox.
We all hated it but those interminable car rides to and from Cavite that began at the crack of dawn were bearable only because of the company. The snarky comments about other people, the bitching about driving to Cavite, the Starbucks coffee stops and sweet corn merienda at Carmona and cheap shots directed at the SM and other Cavite malls are only some of the fond memories I have. And who can forget our two (was it only two?) attempts at playing badminton??!!
So I pestered Jong today to immediately send me the list of snarky things you'd love to say at work and other places (thanks Jong!!!! you've made my day!). You can imagine the field day we had the day I sent this. Whoever thought up these comments is a freaking genius or a totally evil person.
THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK AND OTHER PLACES
1. I can see your point but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. And your crybaby whiny-ass opinion would be?
22. Do I look like a people person?
23. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
24. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
25. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
26. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
27. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
28. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
32. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
33. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
34. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
35. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Have a good weekend people. Me, I'm going to find someone to be nasty to. Ciao!