My Other Mommy Moments

Don't you just love those cutesy pictures of babies? I swear, I'm a sucker for those Anne Geddes images in different poses and costumes. Made me want to have a baby desperately, even when I was still single.

Then you see glamorous images of Hollywood mommies looking fabulous with their equally fabulous babies in tow. All those cute baby stuff and gear that they sell in stores. Really, it seemed easy. Even the parenting magazines which I devoured while pregnant with my first child were chockful of advice about how to deal with almost anything that you are "supposed" to encounter when you have a child. Easy, right?

All I can say is, it ain't all true. Babies/kids are the most unpredictable creatures in the face of the earth. What makes them laugh one day will set off a tantrum the next. What they happily eat today could end up on your dress tomorrow.

So what's the real score??? Here's what I experienced:

Sleep? I used to do that...
I thought the sleepless nights would end when they reach six months. When it didn't, I thought maybe when he reaches two. Then I had another baby and it started all over again. Note to children today who hate taking naps -- when your mother tells you that you will CRAVE naps in the future, BELIEVE HER. My mother must have been psychic. Being a mom has made me such a light sleeper that I wake up at the drop of a hat - or make that at the drop of a foot or fist on your face.

The Ewwww Factor
I've been barfed on, peed on and pooped on so many times it doesn't even faze me anymore. I've touched boogers and snot, have held my hand out for whatever they chewed that they didn't like and have even caught wayward poop that surprised the heck out of me when it suddenly came out while I was changing Joshua's diaper. He was standing. It was very, very warm. *shudder*

I can't remember how many times I have held a sick, crying child while said child was vomiting and refusing to let go of your neck. I can't decide whether I prefer the poop catching or the vomit bath. But I can tell you that all my maidenly sensibilities are GONE. Forever.

This Body used to be mine
I'm not a particularly modest person. Growing up and sharing a room and bathroom with two sisters made me comfortable with my body, you know, like in an all girls locker room or gym. Then I got pregnant and was twice subjected to the indignities that women go through when being examined. I thought it ended there. But nope, the kids have ownership of certain parts of my anatomy and more. They've got first dibs on my hands at bedtime, one each (what will happen if I have a third child? he/she's gonna end up with my foot). I have to lie on my back cause they fight when I face either one of them (please go back to Sleep...I used to do that).

There's also the unending fascination with breasts. Not sure if my kids are the only ones like this but they grab and pinch and pull out my shirt and say with glee, "I saw your bo*bies, mommy!". One time Faith surprised me while she was sitting on my lap. In church. Her Daddy was not amused.

So there. That's my reality. I'm not even going into how much you go through hell if your child is even seriously sick. My tip - get a really, really good pediatrician who picks up at 3 in the morning to answer questions about your nine month old's fever. Mine does.

But lest you think I am complaining, I'm not. In fact, I've never been more happy.

They at least got that part right.